Left 50-year-old Wife For 20-year-old Lover—she Was Trans – Part 3

You know we are seeing individual states do versions of inquiries but we actually need a national response to this and remove the requirement of it being statebyst state because that’s half the reason we’re here in the first place.

You know there are many national standards.

Um this needs to be something that is prioritized.

You know, on average, um a working family spend $25,000 to send their child to daycare.

Um which is a requirement if you would like to work.

We need to make sure that that a child walks into a daycare and they are safe and no more like knee-jerk reactions.

Like in Victoria here, we’re talking about like no phones in daycarees, no iPads, cameras.

That’s all great.

A lot of centers have had those in place for a really long time.

It’s still not protecting kids.

So, there needs to be more done and whatever is done, it needs to be the same everywhere.

It’s amazing what you’re both doing fighting for the children of today, but in terms of justice in your own story, obviously your abuser is dead.

What does justice there look like? Are you able to get it by doing this fight elsewhere? Yeah, I think for myself uh at least justice is about accountability and in this situation we’re looking to hold the party that licensed and oversaw David Tuck and failed to undertake the appropriate checks.

And that’s not just prior to him being licensed, but that is for all of the years that he was licensed that um allegations were made.

Uh, in the end, if we can at least hold the council accountable, it paves uh, I guess a way for other operators to see that they can be held accountable because what we want to stop is the sweeping of under the rug.

It is at the moment easier for a childare service to move somebody on.

They’ve faced the repercussions of identifying identifying a predator.

Um, so And a big part of what we’re asking for is looking at um and whether that’s a financial punishment fine uh for not reporting.

There needs to be very clear reporting guidelines that individual centers and operators need to follow and if they don’t follow then they are then held accountable.

>> And for me I mean justice is a is a funny word because will we get justice? I don’t know.

But I would like accountability and I’d like there to be reform.

And I want all childare workers and teachers and anyone who works with children not feel like they risk there’s a risk in reporting um in terms of like will I lose my job? Will I get in trouble? Um you know what if I report and I’m wrong? like there needs to be conversations to h conversations that are had to make sure people feel empowered enough to report because this is what we need to happen and then have those reports be acted upon.

When you looked at the Joshua Brown case, which is the case in Western Melbourne, there are people who were like, I knew something or I thought something was wrong, but I didn’t say anything.

Even when I’ve worked within this sector, I’ve spoken to child protection, childare workers who were like, oh, I had an inkling, but I didn’t say anything.

And then it turned out, you know, the child was being abused.

We need to change that mentality.

If you see something, say something.

The bystander effect is is hurting so many people from women in domestic violence to children who are being abused.

We need to let go of that.

And if you see, if you even have a slight gut feeling, tell someone about it because children don’t have the language or the ability to tell someone.

That’s our jobs as the adults.

And then the other side of that is for parents and carers and teachers to have clear conversations with children about safety.

>> I was recently in Zimbabwe.

I’m working with a program that looks at the prevention of child sexual abuse.

They spoke so clearly to children about the right terminology for body parts, about what is consent, what is abuse in a really matter-of-act way.

And what they seen is that those children had a much higher rate of disclosure to adults because they had the damn language.

>> You know, you you and it’s hard and parents are scared, but if your child is being sexually abused and they know what a penis is and a vagina is, they’re way more likely to disclose.

And when they know that those aren’t dirty words that they’re going to get in trouble for, we we as adults have to reconcile why where why we’re scared of saying those words, why we’re scared of hearing them because that is we can’t stop child sexual abusers.

I wish we could, but no one’s sort of figured out that yet, but we can protect children by having frank and honest conversations.

And for me, maybe that’s what justice is, is a change in the way we communicate about abuse in general.

Even just uh I can’t help but think Kaylee when you’re telling us about bedwedding.

I’ve heard that numerous times now that child abuse survivors often show that sign.

So it’s like picking up on signs like that and using that as a conversation starter with your child to then have those conversations and knowing these kinds of you know like behavioral changes or or or things to pick up on to then start conversations with your kids.

>> 100%.

Uh there’s a lot of really good resources for parents to read and communicate to children.

So there’s a lot of um children’s books that I use with my own children, but then there’s also the education pieces for parents to understand and look out for the signs.

Uh I think the missing piece is more around if you do suspect, parents don’t know where to go and it’s not so simple.

And you know, the first time I was sat down and asked by my parent after this all came out, I said no.

I I I was still too afraid and too a confused to be able to disclose.

So I think it’s important um to understand that not every child wants to tell a parent.

Maybe they need um you know professional or you know a more private setting.

It’s um you can’t rely on parents to be able to get this information out of children in the appropriate way either.

But there’s also not a very straightforward way to access the information or the steps um to parents if they do sus suspect abuse.

So that is really I think a missing piece.

I’ I’d like to see investment to into services for children and parents who’ve experienced child sexual abuse so that when a child does come forward, parents know what to do, not just in terms of like reporting it to the police or child protection or the authorities, but also how to get help um how to help children recover and move through it.

um and how how to help parents do the same because it’s not easy for anyone in that instance when abuse has been um experienced.

But you know without support services the child ultimately continues to suffer lifelong pain.

>> You mentioned that there could be hundreds of victims out there of David Tux.

You’re both in your 30s.

You know, these are people in their 30s, potentially 40s, even older, that might have never told anyone what happened to them.

Do you have a message for them, having only recently shared your own stories? >> We believe you.

We believe you.

>> Thank you to LJ and Haley for joining us on this episode.

You can sign their petition, keep kids safe, at the link in our show notes.

They’re calling for an overhaul of working with children check schemes in Australia.

Make sure you’re following our show on Apple Podcasts and Spotify for updates on this story and all the stories we cover.

Thanks so much for listening.

I’ll be back next week with another true crime conversation.