I crawled into my bed, pulling the heavy winter blankets all the way up to my chin.

I was physically and emotionally exhausted from the intense trauma of the day.

I closed my eyes, hoping that a deep sleep would finally erase the smell of the burning paper that still lingered faintly in my memory.

Bubbies was incredibly far away.

Somewhere around the middle of the night, the atmosphere inside my bedroom completely shifted.

I was violently pulled out of my light sleep by a sudden drastic drop in the temperature.

It was not just a draft from the window or a normal winter chill.

It was an unnatural freezing cold that seeped directly into my skin and settled deeply into my bones.

The air in the room suddenly grew incredibly thick and dense, making it difficult to pull oxygen into my lungs.

I opened my eyes into the pitch black darkness of my room.

I could not see anything physical, but my entire body went completely rigid with sheer absolute terror.

I could vividly, intensely feel a terrifying presence standing right beside my bed.

It was a dark, oppressive entity that radiated pure concentrated hatred and absolute malice.

The malice was so thick I could almost taste it in the freezing air.

Before my mind could even process what was happening, a massive, invisible weight slammed violently down onto my chest.

It felt exactly like a solid, heavy block of concrete was actively crushing my ribs.

All the air was violently forced out of my lungs in a single silent gasp.

I desperately tried to inhale, but my throat was completely, totally paralyzed.

The dark entity began to press down harder and harder.

I could literally feel icy invisible hands wrapping tightly around my neck, choking the remaining life out of me.

I was being physically attacked by a demonic darkness.

Total complete panic exploded in every single cell of my body.

My eyes were wide open, staring into the void, but I was completely trapped inside my own paralyzed physical shell.

I realized with absolute terrifying certainty that I was about to die right there in my childhood bedroom.

In my state of desperate ultimate terror, I naturally tried to do the only spiritual thing I knew how to do.

I desperately tried to recite verses from the Quran in my mind to ward off the evil spirit.

I tried to call out to Allah in Arabic to save my life.

I tried to remember the protective prayers my mother had taught me when I was a little girl, but my mind went completely totally blank.

The Arabic prayers I had perfectly memorized and recited thousands of times were suddenly completely violently erased from my memory.

I could not form a single syllable in my mind.

The demavic presence seemed to feed on my panic, pressing down with an even more terrifying crushing force.

The entity was silently mocking my complete helplessness.

My religion was completely powerless against this very real, very present evil.

I was rapidly slipping away into a dark endless void.

I had absolutely no strength left.

Then, in that exact final moment of ultimate despair, a single name flashed brightly across my darkening mind.

It was the name of the man whose beautiful words I had read the night before.

It was the name of the savior whose book I had proudly burned that very morning.

My physical voice was completely shut down.

So, I screamed the name with every single ounce of my remaining spiritual energy.

I screamed the name Jesus in my mind.

The very millisecond that precious name echoed through my consciousness.

The heavy crushing weight completely and entirely vanished.

The icy invisible hands instantly released my throat.

I took a massive desperate loud gasp of air filling my burning empty lungs.

I was violently coughing and shaking.

But the miracle did not stop there.

The oppressive pitch black darkness in my room was instantly shattered by a brilliant blinding light.

It was not a harsh glaring light that hurts your eyes.

It was a pure radiant golden light that filled every single dark corner of my bedroom.

The unnatural freezing temperature was instantly immediately replaced by an overwhelming all-encompassing wave of deep, profound warmth.

It felt exactly like standing directly in the rays of a gentle, perfect, loving sun.

The demonic presence was completely eradicated and completely obliterated by the sheer undeniable power of this golden light.

I lay there on my bed violently, trembling, sweating, and weeping uncontrollably.

Then I heard a voice.

It was not an audible sound that my physical ears processed like a normal conversation.

It was a voice that spoke directly and clearly into the deepest innermost core of my spirit.

It was the most authoritative yet incredibly gentle and loving voice I have ever encountered in my entire life.

The voice spoke to me so clearly and perfectly.

Said, “Nadia, why do you persecute the one who loves you?” Those words pierced right through all my thicked religious pride.

They pierced through all my intense hatred and all my carefully constructed defensive walls.

The voice carried the exact same kind of unmmerited pure grace that Sarah had shown me in the comment section, but it was infinitely infinitely more powerful.

Jesus was standing right there in my room.

He did not come with fiery anger to punish me for burning his holy word.

He did not come to strike me down with terrible judgment for mocking his followers.

He came to rescue me from the demonic darkness that was actively trying to destroy my life.

He came to offer me the absolute unconditional love and the profound true peace.

My thirsty soul had been desperately starving for my entire life.

I slid awkwardly off my bed and fell hard onto my knees, weeping uncontrollably on the bedroom floor.

All my heavy burdens, all my exhausting religious striving, and all my deep dark fears melted away in his glorious presence.

I completely, unconditionally surrendered my heart right then and there.

I gave my broken, messy, angry life to the one who died on the cross to save me.

If you are watching this and you are trapped in a dark room of fear-fighting battles that nobody else can see, I want you to know that the name of Jesus has absolute ultimate power over every single darkness.

Please subscribe to my channel because what happened the very next morning when I confessed my new faith of the world cost me absolutely everything I had ever known.

The brilliant golden light that had completely filled my bedroom began to slowly softly fade away, leaving behind a profound and absolute silence.

It was not the heavy terrifying silence of the oppressive demonic darkness I had experienced just moments before.

It was a rich, beautiful silence filled with the absolute peace of God.

I remained on the floor of my bedroom for a very long time.

My face was pressed against the soft carpet and my entire body was completely relaxed for the first time in my entire 26 years of life.

The massive crushing weight of religious performance and the heavy chains of constant fear were completely gone.

I felt incredibly clean.

I felt pure and completely washed from the inside out.

I did not have to earn this feeling.

I did not have to recite thousands of Arabic prayers or perform a dozen physical washings to stand in the presence of the creator.

Jesus had simply freely given me his perfect righteousness.

As my mind slowly began to process the physical reality of the room around me, a sudden and sharp realization pierced through my bubble of peace.

I remembered the terrible video I had recorded and uploaded to the internet just a few short hours earlier.

I remembered the burning Bible and the arrogant, hateful words I had spoken to the camera.

A wave of deep conviction washed over me.

I could not possibly let that horrible lie remain in the world.

I slowly got up from the floor.

My legs felt a little weak and unsteady, but my spirit was incredibly strong and resolute.

I walked over to my wooden desk and opened my laptop.

The bright screen illuminated the dark room.

My social media accounts were completely blowing up.

The notification icons were glowing with hundreds of new messages and comments.

People from my Muslim community in Dearborn and complete strangers from all over the world were actively praising me for burning the Christian Bible.

They were calling me a true hero of Islam.

They were calling me a brave and fierce defender of the faith.

A few hours ago, those comments would have inflated my ego and filled me with an intense toxic pride.

Now, they made me feel incredibly sick to my absolute stomach.

I was receiving massive amounts of praise for an act of pure hatred.

I knew exactly what I had to do.

I moved my mouse and deleted the original video.

I watched the file completely disappear from the internet forever.

But simply deleting the video was not nearly enough.

The profound truth of what Jesus had just done for me was burning so brightly inside my soul that I could not possibly keep it hidden.

I knew that staying silent was absolutely not an option.

I grabbed my phone and set it back up on the small tripod on my desk.

The glowing red numbers on my digital alarm clock read exactly 3:00 in the morning.

The entire house was completely silent.

My parents and my four brothers were fast asleep in their rooms, completely unaware that the daughter they thought they knew was gone forever.

I sat down in the chair in front of the camera.

I did not bother to fix my appearance.

My eyes were completely swollen and red from hours of intense weeping.

My black hijab was slightly unraveled and messy.

I did not care about maintaining my perfect religious facade anymore.

The desperate need to look like the flawless Muslim daughter was entirely dead.

I pressed the red record button.

I looked directly into the glass lens of the camera and I started to speak from the very bottom of my heart.

I confessed absolutely everything to the world.

I told the camera that I had intentionally burned the word of God out of pure religious hatred and blind arrogance.

I openly confessed that my entire life had been a massive hollow performance.

I told them that I had been a toxic, angry cyber warrior because I was desperately trying to cover up the immense spiritual void inside my own chest.

And then I told them the most important part.

I told them about the terrifying demonic darkness that came from my life.

I described the suffocating invisible hands around my neck and with tears streaming continuously down my face, I told them about the radiant glorious light of Jesus Christ.

I declared to the camera with absolute unwavering certainty that Jesus is not just a human prophet like Islam teaches.

I declared that he is the true son of God, the absolute savior of the world and the only real source of true lasting peace.

I spoke about his incredible unmmerited grace.

I told my followers that they do not have to live in constant paralyzing fear of a distant judging master.

I told them they can have a personal intimate loving relationship with the creator of the universe right now.

I hit the stop button on my phone.

My heart was completely overflowing with a mixture of profound joy and deep terrifying anticipation.

I knew the extreme danger of what I was about to do.

In my strict culture, leaving Islam is considered the ultimate unforgivable crime.

It is called apostasy.

The punishment for apostasy in many parts of the Islamic world is death.

Even living in America, I knew the social and familial backlash would be completely devastating.

I knew I was lighting a massive match and dropping it directly onto the fragile fabric of my entire life.

But the truth was worth absolutely everything.

I uploaded the new confession video to all my social media platforms.

The reaction was almost instantaneous and incredibly violent.

Within mere minutes, my phone began to vibrate wildly across my desk.

The exact same people who had praised me as a hero just moments before were now unleashing a massive, horrifying torrent of absolute venom and hatred.

The comments were truly terrifying to read.

People I had known my entire childhood were aggressively calling me an apostate, a dirty traitor, and a filthy disgrace to the Arab community.

Some of the direct messages contained incredibly explicit and highly violent death threats.

Angry men told me I deserve to be burned alive just like the holy book I had destroyed earlier that day.

They promised to find me and punish me for insulting the religion of our ancestors.

The backlash was incredibly severe and it was escalating exponentially by the second.

My phone was constantly ringing with calls from angry relatives and furious community members.

But as I sat there reading the hateful violent words, a supernatural blanket of ultimate peace completely covered my mind.

I was not afraid of their empty threats.

I had already faced the ultimate spiritual darkness and my glorious savior had completely effortlessly defeated it.

Human anger felt so small compared to the immense power of Jesus.

If you are watching this video right now and you are secretly hiding your true faith in Christ because you are completely terrified of what your Muslim family or your strict community will do to you, I beg you to stay strong and please subscribe to this channel.

You are absolutely not alone in this difficult journey and I promise you that the profound peace Jesus gives is worth every single thing you might lose.

I put my phone on silent mode and laid back down on my bed.

I knew with absolute certainty that when the morning sun finally came up, my parents would see the video.

I knew that my comfortable, protected life in Dearbornne was officially over forever.

I closed my eyes and I fell asleep for the first time in my entire life wrapped securely in the absolute perfect unconditional love of God.

The morning light came far too quickly.

I was violently awakened by the sound of heavy aggressive footsteps marching loudly down the hallway toward my room.

Before I could even sit up, my bedroom door was suddenly and forcefully shoved open.

It slammed hard against the wall.

My eldest brother stood in the doorway.

His face was completely twisted in a horrifying mixture of deep confusion and intense pure blinding rage.

He was breathing heavily like a wild animal.

He held his smartphone out in his shaking hand, pointing directly to the screen where my tearful face from the 3:00 in the morning video was playing on a continuous loop.

He demanded in a loud shaking voice to know if this video was some kind of a sick twisted joke.

I sat up slowly in my bed pulling the blanket around my shoulders.

I looked at my furious brother with a calm, steady, and peaceful heart.

I did not flinch.

I did not apologize.

I told him quietly but firmly that the video was the absolute truth.

I told him I had completely surrendered my entire life to Jesus Christ.

He stared at me in absolute horror as if I had just mutated into a terrifying, hideous monster right in front of his eyes.

He could not comprehend the words coming out of my mouth.

He turned around abruptly and stormed down the wooden stairs, yelling loudly for my father in rapid aggressive Arabic.

I knew the final ultimate confrontation had officially arrived.

I slowly got out of my bed.

I did not bother to put on my hijab.

I walked out of my bedroom wearing only the simple gray sweatpants and the oversized sweater I had slept in.

The walk down the long wooden staircase felt like the longest and most agonizing walk of my entire life.

Every single step I took echoed loudly in the incredibly tense silent morning air.

My heart was beating steadily, anchored by the presence of the Holy Spirit.

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I walked into our main living room.

My father was standing perfectly still in the center of the room.

My mother and my four older brothers were gathered closely around him.

The atmosphere in the living room was incredibly thick, heavy, and completely suffocating.

It felt like all the oxygen had been entirely sucked out of the house.

I fully expected my father to yell at me.

I expected him to throw things across the room or scream terrible ancient curses at me.

[laughter] That was the normal reaction to deep shame in our culture.

But he did absolutely nothing of the sort.

He just stood there completely silent.

His absolute total silence was infinitely more terrifying and agonizing than any physical blow could ever possibly be.

He looked at me with dark eyes that were entirely dead and completely devoid of any parental love.

It was the exact cold, empty look you give to a complete stranger who has deeply offended you.

He spoke to me in a very low, very cold and calculated voice.

He told me that I was no longer his daughter.

He said I was a disgusting disgrace to our family name, to our proud ancestors, and to his religion.

He told me that as of this exact moment, I was completely dead to him and to everyone else in the room.

My mother turned her face away from me and began to weep loudly into her shaking hands.

Her cries were filled with intense grief and deep shame.

But she did not take a single step toward me.

She did not defend me.

She chose to protect the strict honor of our religious community over the life of her only daughter.

My four brothers stood around my father like rigid stone statues guarding the fragile family pride with cold, angry stairs.

My father raised his hand and pointed his finger firmly and aggressively toward the heavy oak front door.

He told me to leave his house immediately and to never ever return under any circumstances.

He warned me that if I stayed for even one more minute, they would have to take drastic and violent measures to permanently cleanse the massive shame I had brought upon their respected household.

I knew exactly what that meant.

I knew my life was in immediate physical danger if I did not obey.

I was not allowed to go upstairs to pack a small bag.

I was not allowed to take my everyday clothes, my personal savings, my childhood photos, or any of my personal belongings.

I was completely stripped of everything I owned.

I turned around and walked out of the house.

The heavy oak door slammed shut behind me with a loud final echoing thud that resonated deep in my chest.

I stood alone on the cold concrete front porch.

I had absolutely nothing in the world except the clothes on my back.

The freezing morning Michigan wind cut right through my thin cotton sweater, making me shiver violently.

I walked slowly down the long concrete driveway toward my old car.

By some absolute miracle, my car keys were still sitting in my jacket pocket from my secretive trip to the bookstore the day before.

I sat in the cold driver’s seat and locked all the doors.

I put my hands on the steering wheel and the absolute crushing reality of my desperate situation finally crashed down over me like a massive heavy ocean wave.

I began to sob uncontrollably.

The intense pain of total rejection was a deep agonizing physical ache in the center of my chest.

I had just lost my mother, my father, my brothers, my safe community, and my entire cultural identity in a matter of five brutal minutes.

I was a homeless religious outcast with nowhere to go.

Continue reading….
« Prev Next »