They have been hard and honest and full of silences that both of us sat with without rushing.

In the most recent one, he said, “Nasim, the god you have found.

” He paused for a long time.

He said, “I have read what you sent me.

” He paused again.

He said, “There is something in those pages I have always had difficulty walking away from entirely.

” I did not press him.

I said, “Take your time, Baba.

The door is open.

It has been open a long time.

” He said, “Yes, I can see that now.

” To everyone who came to disrupting from the same direction I came from, from the pain that did not get addressed, from the wound that became a weapon, from the movement that promised belonging and delivered only more noise.

I want you to
know the noise is not the same thing at the faith.

The performance is not the relationship.

The argument is not the God.

And underneath the structure you have built to avoid the question is the question.

And underneath the question is the answer.

And the answer is a person who was at the whi when you arrived and has been waiting for the conversation since before you were born.

Sister Amina prayed for me in a language no one in that room could name, including her.

The prayer was bigger than any language she knew because the love that moved it was bigger than any language that exists.

And it landed in my chest from 2 ft away and cracked the wall I had built.

and the crack became a door and the door became the way home.

He prayed for you before you came.

He’s praying for you now.

He will pray for you until the day you find the door and walk through it.

And when you are still a long way off, he will see you coming and he will

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