Nobody Roasts Celebrities to Their Face Like Chris Rock

from making fun of Kevin Hartz to taking shots at Sylvester Stallone.

That’s why nobody roasts celebrities to their face like Chris Rock, like in 2020 when Chris walked on stage alongside Steve Martin and roasted Jeff Bezos’s fortune with all of Hollywood watching.

Uh Jeff Bezos is here.

Oh, Jeff Bezos.

Wow, great actor.

Hey, he’s got cash, but he writes a check to bank bounce.

Like Jeff Bezos is so rich he got divorced and he’s still the richest man in the world.

He saw a marriage story and thought it was a comedy.

Steve, do you have anything you want to add about Mr.Bezos? No, I like getting my packages on time.

Back at the 99 VMAs, Chris Rock introduced Jennifer Lopez, but she definitely wasn’t expecting to hear that.

That’s right.

That’s right.

Jennifer Lopez here tonight.

Jennifer Lopez.

[cheering] That’s right.

That’s right.

She came with two limos.

One for her, one for her ass.

That’s right.

I love Jennifer.

Where you at, girl? You don’t thank your ass enough.

I see Jennifer on TV thanking a mama and daddy, the acting coach.

Thank your ass, girl.

Thank your ass.

That’s right.

For the ass go solo cuz the ass is the star of the show.

Jennifer just the commodor’s the ass is line of Richie on the late show.

He turned a conversation about kids into a direct jab at Letterman himself.

Making fun of the guy who invited you onto his show is not for amateurs.

How’s your uh Now, do you have two daughters? Are they sports fans? I got I got girls, Dave, and they do girly things, Dave.

So, there’s a lot of tea parties and just girl crap, Dave.

that I have to pretend to enjoy, right? I want I want some singing kid.

That Will Smith messed it up for everybody.

That’s kids singing and dancing.

The guy’s already taking parts from me.

Now his kids are taking parts from my kids.

And even while on air with a horse voice and a marriage falling apart, Chris Rock didn’t care and used both situations as material.

How you doing? What the hell happened to your voice, Dave? Things going bad, huh? And you still doing the show? Well, more or less.

You a rich man.

You could just go home.

[laughter] Wife’s still mad at you, ain’t you? Well, now I don’t I don’t feel so good.

Why am I going to drive back to Connecticut to a mean woman? I might as well just stay here and do the show with no voice.

Not much I can say here.

I know.

I was backstage and fired all the cute girls.

You got a bunch of fat old guys back there.

It’s horrible, man.

The vibe is just horrible, man.

Man can’t take it no more.

I tell you something, some of those guys are starting to look pretty good.

Even though he’s one of the greatest roasters of all time, Kevin Hart couldn’t escape becoming the joke.

A lot of excellent black movies, man.

And some of them don’t even have Kevin Hart in them.

There are movies.

Kevin Ha’s in everything.

Every movie there is.

I think I see Kevin and sometimes he in the trailer and not in the movie.

Sometime I saw him in Magnificent.

Kevin Hart, Angelina Jolie was he was playing a bush.

I was like, is that Kev? Get out of here.

Kev and Transformers.

He turned into a Prius.

I was like, look at Kev.

Look at Kev.

And that wasn’t the only time Kevin became a target.

In 2024, the roasting continued right in front of Kevin’s wife, Kevin Hart, Queen Award, Kevin, a man of extraordinary talents.

Look at him.

Look at that smile.

Got that second wife happiness.

[laughter] It’s like we didn’t struggle at all.

amazing movies.

My My favorite movie of Kevin’s is The Upside.

You ever see The Upside? You got to You got to see it’s the best acting Kevin Hart has ever done.

Cuz in the movie, he had to act like he had less money than Brian Cranster.

It’s unbelievable.

He’s like, “Wow, this a nice house, mister.

I never seen a Ferrari before.

It’s a regular Denzel over there.

It was actually a ceremony honoring Kevin.

He managed to be celebrated and destroyed at the same time.

And when Kristen talked about the role she chooses, Chris’s facial expression already gave it away.

A joke was definitely coming.

I really like to fight for jobs.

I hate the feeling of suddenly being like, “Oh, well, you know, Kristen can have it because she’ll just because she can.

I I I you know what I mean? I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.

Give me the job.

I don’t care if everybody’s better than me.

[laughter] I want the job.

Well, the parts for a Mexican.

Yeah.

Even on Good Morning America.

Did he hold back? Chris didn’t miss the chance to take a shot at Michael Stron.

Guys, funniest guy I know.

Hardest worker I know.

I mean, next to Michael Straham.

I mean, [laughter] thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I appreciate you.

Michael walks out of his garbage men like, “Get some rest.

” At the 2016 Oscars, Chris Rock made fun of the movie Rocky right in front of Sylvester Stallone himself.

Hollywood is sorority racist.

It’s [snorts] like, “We like you, Rhonda, but you’re not a Kappa.

” But things are changing.

Things are changing.

Yeah, we got a Black Rocky this year.

Yeah.

Some people call it Creed.

I call it Black Rocky.

And that’s a big that’s that’s an unbelievable statement.

I mean, cuz Rocky takes place in a world where white athletes are as good as black athletes.

Rocky’s a science fiction movie.

There there’s things that happen in Star Wars that are more believable than things that happen to Rocky.

Okay.

Something very similar happened with Cynthia Orivo.

It started with admiration until the joke flipped the script.

Cynthia Irvio is here tonight.

Yes, [cheering] Cynthia Orio is here tonight.

[applause] Cynthia did such a great job in Harriet hiding black people that the academy got her to hide all the black nominees.

Is Eddie Murphy under this stage? Eddie, I loved you at Dolomite.

[applause] During the 2005 Oscars, Chris Rock used Nicole Kidman to prove that at the Oscars, the greatest performance doesn’t happen on stage.

I remember one year when our Halib Barry won the Oscar.

Nicole Kidman was smiling so wide she should have won an Emmy at the Oscars for her great performance.

Nobody is safe around Chris Rock because he doesn’t just roast famous people.

Look at what he did during Night of Too Many Stars with this guy.

I’m doing very well.

We we did an an auction earlier in the night.

Yes, we did.

And what did we raise money for? What is the prize? Uh the prize was that I get to uh if if you uh bid enough money uh I will read your mind.

You will read their mind.

I will read their mind.

In the audience, you’ve never met these people.

I have never met any of these people ever.

And yet you feel confident and comfortable reading their mind.

I’m a That was something I did before.

Stand up.

I did not know that.

I learned things about you all the time.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s do that.

Can the people who bid the money please stand up so that we can uh uh see you and we can find you.

All right.

Beautiful.

All right.

Here we go.

Can Can I ask a question? Can HBO lose their license? Do they have a license? Michael’s thinking and I’m I’m I’m I’m I’m struggling here.

Michael, you got There we go.

There we go.

There it is.

A lot going on in his head.

He’s thinking, “Uh, I don’t even let black people in my house.

I can’t believe I let one in my mind.

” [applause] That’s what he’s thinking.

You know what’s really interesting? Even the way Stevie Wonder plays at a White House party became joke material for Chris.

And then they they ring a bell and you got to go watch the entertainment, right? So, it was me, Charles Barkley, and Jay-Z go in this room and watch the entertainment.

First, it was uh it was uh Herby Hancock, and he was amazing.

Like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And then Stevie Wonder like kind of snatches the mic from Herby Hancock, right? And starts playing his stuff like and puts some extra blind in it.

You know what I mean? Like, put some put some extra You know what I mean? You know, cuz Stevie Stevie’s been in the White House more than most presidents.

So he when he act like he don’t know where he’s going, he’s lying, right? [laughter] He’s been there for like nine presidents, right? [laughter] And when he brought up Eminem, he explained why nobody picks a fight with him.

A lot of beasts.

You got a lot of beasts.

A lot of the rappers are separated.

You can’t have 50.

Ain’t nowhere near Jule, you know.

Can’t have Jay-Z nas.

Nobody got no beef with Eminem.

Ain’t no rapper popping nothing about Eminem.

[cheering] Ain’t nobody saying nothing.

I’m not even going to say nothing bad about Eminem cuz way too much stuff rhymes with rock.

All right.

Cuz Eminem don’t even like his own mama.

So Lord knows what he’ll say about your black ass.

Okay? And he’s Eminem’s a white rapper.

So his records going to be on every station.

The country station, the talk station.

[cheering] The black rappers just on hot 97.

Now you got to watch where you sit.

Everybody can’t sit 50 yu.

You can’t sit Jay-Z near Nas.

Everybody got to watch out for you got the Olsson twins over there.

So then you got to put R.

Kelly way up there.

[cheering] Even his own family can become material.

like when he talked about the personality of each of his daughters on Jimmy Fallon.

My daughter Lola, right? You know, she’s amazing, right? She she she trickor treats for UNICEF.

She she volunteers at the old folks home.

She’s amazing.

If Lola came home and told me a guy hit her, I would get my gun and shoot the guy.

Yeah.

I wouldn’t even ask question.

I would put DNA on the bullet to make sure everybody knows I did it.

I did it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That’s Zara.

If somebody hit Zara Mhm.

I will go, “What happened?” Cuz Zara is a different child.

What are you talking about? I’m just saying Zara’s not as nice as Lola.

[laughter] People, you can’t go shooting people cuz Zara told you something.

[laughter] Ray Rice could play again now.

Yeah, he got reinstated.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I’m going to pick him.

I’m going to put Ray Rice and Solange in my fantasy elevator team.

There was also the time Chris Rock started by praising Dr.

Dre and used it as a launchpad to roast Rick Ross with a pretty controversial joke.

He’s got headphones.

So now everybody else trying to get headphones.

50 Cent got headphones.

Rick Ross even has headphones.

That’s right.

Dre got beats.

Rick Ross has diabets.

Rick Ross going to be the first rapper to die of breast cancer.

[cheering] During one of his stand-up specials, Chris also took the opportunity to comment on Megan Markle and she became a target of his roast.

They’re so racist.

They’re so racist.

Some of that you went through was not racism.

It was just some in-law.

Sometimes it’s just some in-law cuz she’s complaining.

I’m like, “What the you talking about? They’re so racist.

They wanted to know how brown the baby’s going to be.

” I’m like, “That’s not racist.

” cuz even black people want to know.

[applause] And when Jesse Smlet’s name came up, Chris Rock had a very particular way of pronouncing it.

They said, “No, Jesse Smlet jokes.

” Yeah, I know.

I know.

What a waste of light skin.

You know, you know what I could do with that light skin? That curly hair, my career would be out of here.

From now on, I ain’t never going no just you’re Jesse from now on.

You don’t even get the you no more.

That you was respect.

You ain’t get no respect from me.

Not even Trump was safe from Chris’s jokes during his standup on Saturday Night Live.

He took plenty of shots at the president.

Big thing.

Trump, man.

Trump.

Trump, man.

Trump had a good year.

Trump survived an assassination attempt.

Won the presidency again by winning the popular vote.

was just named time man of the year.

It could happen to a nicer guy.

Menendez brothers getting out of jail.

Menendez brothers.

Yeah.

Getting out of jail just in time to get deported.

[laughter] Right after that, he smoothly moved on to roasting Elon Musk.

That’s right.

This time is totally different.

He’s working with the number one Africanamean in the world.

The richest Africanamean in the world, Elon Musk.

That’s right.

He is Africaname.

[laughter] Elon got more kids than the Cleveland Browns.

That’s right.

Nobody knows how to get rid of people like a South African.

What’s impressive is how fast he can come up with a roast.

Like when he took a shot at the Gotti family show I let him watch is a I don’t understand is a growing up Gotti.

What? Oh yeah you the Gotti show.

How the hell did the Gotties get a damn TV show? Yeah.

What network executive was like yes the murderer guy.

These children should have a TV show.

What what sponsors advertise on the Gotti show? Yes.

Nabiscoco is proud to present this next murder is provided to what? When’s OJ going to have a show? Exactly.

Standing next to Sophia Vgara, Chris Rock turned an innocent compliment into a rapidfire sequence of jokes.

Hey, forget it.

Don’t see my movie.

See hers.

[laughter] Dan, you don’t care.

Yeah, she she ain’t chasing Poppy.

Poppy’s chasing her.

Now, uh before we go, uh you you enjoy telling [laughter] Chris and Jada Pinket is always a victim of Chris Rock’s roasts.

Jada went mad and Will went mad.

Everybody went mad.

You know, it’s quite like Jada got mad.

Jada says she’s not coming protesting.

I’m like, is she on a TV show? Jada’s going to boycott the Oscar.

Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna’s panties.

I wasn’t invited.

At the 2003 MTV VMAs, Chris Rock used the stage itself to lightly roast P.

Diddy.

Imagine if he had known about today’s drama.

My favorite show on MTV is Making the Band with P Diddy.

It’s the best show on all of television cuz you get to see Puff Daddy be a mentor to the children.

And who better than Puff Daddy to show the kids wrong from wrong.

That’s right.

You get to see Puff Daddy pass down great fatherly advice like you can’t wear that gun with them shoes.

And when the topic was Janet Jackson and Germaine Dri, Chris Rock found the perfect comparison to sum up their relationship.

You know, there’s a lot of celebrity couples.

You got and Demi, uh Jay-Z and Beyonce, Bennifa, but uh my favorite celebrity couple of the year is Janet Jackson and Jermaine Depri.

Now, Janet Jackson’s a 10.

Jermaine’s about a four.

That’s a sixpoint differential, man.

And I’ve been loving Janet Jackson my whole life.

When she was on Good Times, when she was on Fam, I was like, “Damn, I love her.

If I could just get near her, if I could just talk to her, if I could just touch her.

” Then I see Jermaine Depri walk in a room with I’m like, “Damn, I had a shot.

We all had a shot.

” Seeing Janet Jackson with Jermaine Depri is like finding out about a sale a day too late.

St.Ben was selling fities for $4 yesterday.

And at the 2005 Oscars, Jude Law was sitting calmly in the audience until he suddenly became the target.

Wait, you want Tom Cruz and all you could get is Jude Law? Wait, it’s not the same thing.

Okay, who is Jude Law? Why is he in every movie I have seen the last four years? He’s in everything.

Even the movies he’s not acting in.

If you look at the credits, he made cupcakes or something.

He’s in everything.

He’s gay.

He’s straight.

He’s American.

He’s British.

Next year, he’s playing Kareem Abdul Jabar in the movie.

But the one who really didn’t like that comment was Shawn Penn, who just moments later fired back at Chris.

Forgive my compromised sense of humor, but I did want to answer our host question about who Jude Law is.

He’s he’s one of our finest actors and